sexuality – Intelligent Christian Spirituality

EROS RISING

Creation and Incarnation must go together

if we are going to have an Infinite God

who can communicate in a Finite Way

so God took on a human body

with all its bodily desires

including sexual desires –

all this is part of the humanness of Jesus

so sex is not just “continuation of the species”

it is the “energy of love” by which the whole universe

is becoming more personalized/spiritualized/conscious

sexuality and its erotic creativity

long seen as a source of sin

emerges now as a key dimension

of authentic spirituality.

THE REFUGE OF DIVINE LOVE

In Eastern Christianity they dwell on the cosmic significance of Christ

but in the West we focused too much on his saving work –

Augustine and Anselm claimed that Jesus came

only because we were ill – no illness, no Jesus

but contemporary theology believes Jesus came

to show us how to live/our true self – divine love –

repeat after me – “I am divine love”

the tremendous energy of love by which the universe

converges on itself passes through human sexuality –

the Christ comes to us through sex –

that is why Jesus performed his first miracle

at the wedding at Cana – Jesus saying symbolically:

“Before marriage/union/sex your life was water

now it is wine!”

but our sexuality is often dysfunctional

our wisdom is forever mixed up

with our craziness/neurosis/delusion/confusion

we need to wake up and accept this more and more –

this is better than constantly trying to change/perfect ourselves

peace lies in humble acceptance of our brokenness

and our need of God to put us back together

“The deadliest sin is to swim on the surface

for grace is found in the depths and death –

in falling/failing/not being in control/going down/not up”

– Richard Rohr in Falling Upward

too much security or insecurity leads to death

we need a healthy balance so we don’t become

either stagnant or overwhelmed by change

so we are not killed by the “future shock” –

the culture of constant change we live in

a prayer in Buddhism that is as common

as the “Our Father” in Christianity:

“I take refuge in the Buddha

I take refuge in the Dharma (the teaching)

I take refuge in the Sangha (the community)”

translated into Christianese:

“I take refuge in the Christ

I take refuge in the Beatitudes

I take refuge in the Church.”

FAITH FROM THE GROUND UP

The ascetics looked to the martyrs

for inspiration and models:

asceticism – renouncing all worldly attachments –

was thought of as slow martyrdom –

slow movement towards non-being.

Anxiety is fear, not of the unknown in general

but a specific type of fear – the fear of non-being.

But there is no need to fear non-being –

each new development in evolution

transcends and includes its predecessor

it enfolds as it unfolds

so that evolution is integral from atoms to cells

to organisms/plants/animals/humans.

We are dust and to dust we shall return

but dust eventually becomes conscious living beings.

Teilhard de Chardin, the great Christian paleontologist

believed any explanation of the world

whether biological/philosophical/religious

would be condemned by the modern mind

if it did not include an essential place for sexuality.

Meanwhile, feminists have revolutionized our thinking

on the body/sexuality to the point that

some see feminism as a threat to Christian faith

but others see it as constantly challenging

sexist/patriarchal attitudes

that undermine faith in Jesus the Liberator.

There have even been anti-patriarchal popes –

John XXIII was ironically Patriarch of Venice

before he became pope

and then as pope took public transportation

so he could mingle with ordinary men and women

and Pope Francis similarly likes to dine

with Vatican cafeteria staff –

he is no martyr or ascetic

but loves good coffee and a soccer game –

coffee grounds and soccer grounds keep him grounded

in the Ground of Being

and therefore Francis is non-anxious about non-being.

UNITING EASTERN AND WESTERN RELIGION

The truly mature attitude is to stop fighting/

trying to eliminate your own shadow

and learning to accept and work with your shadow-energies –

all saints know they are sinners

and all sinners think they are saints

with no shadow.

All world religions including Catholicism and Protestantism

strive for greater spiritual freedom

but the opposite, for example

the Third Buddhist Precept on Sexuality: self-restraint –

what western religions call “chastity” –

is also meant to free individuals and society –

so many children/adults/couples

have been destroyed by sexual misconduct

and enslaved by sexual trafficking.

Many of the same teachings but using different words

are found in all the great religions:

chastity = sexual restraint

karma = sowing and reaping

but the challenge for western pioneers in eastern mysticism

Thomas Merton/Bede Griffiths/Raimundo Panikkar

was uniting Asian meditation

with a deep commitment to Jesus/Scripture/Tradition.

These pioneers who led us into the future

accomplished this union by reaching into the past

rediscovering the Desert Fathers/Mothers

and apophatic mystics like Meister Eckhart/Johannes Tauler/

Teresa of Avila/John of the Cross.

All these mystics, those in the West

and mystics in the East: Gandhi/Aurobindo/Rabindranath Tagore

knew that solitude and service are reciprocal:

true prayer results in service

and true service must be grounded in prayer/solitude.

In both East and West, small base communities

focused on spirituality and political activism

hold great promise for individual/social transformation –

all it took was the smallest base community –

twelve men and their Leader

to transform history and the entire world.

COMMITMENT/FREEDOM/MERCY

Wholeness and liberation not perfection and control

are the goals of authentic human spiritual development.

Individuals/societies that affirm

existentialist autonomy from God

think they are supporting life/hope/

freedom from sin/guilt

but they really move people

toward death and destruction.

The supposed freedom of casual sex

is not love, which requires commitment –

true freedom involves committing yourself to lifelong love –

conjugal love in marriage involves the good

of the whole person – it enriches their body/mind

expresses the unique friendship of spouses

and opens them to the healing and grace of God.

Without commitment you remain not in love

but in the prison of your own ego.

God draws humans to each other and to God

in hidden/subtle/wonderful ways.

The supposedly good self and bad shadow

are not opposites – just as the self/ego

can have destructive attitudes

so the shadow can have good qualities –

moral instincts and creative impulses.

Thomas Merton, the great rescuer of contemplation

and mysticism, constantly wrestled with his shadow

but ultimately found it liberating

to realize his whole life was one

of paradox and self-contradiction

and that, although this caused constant insecurity

it was his greatest security

for it was the sign of God’s mercy

and the only way God could deal with someone

so complicated and confused

as he found himself to be.

God loves and liberates the whole person

shadow and all.

EAST OF EDEN

The foundation and principle of Introduction to the Devout Life

by Saint Francis de Sales is:

God has drawn us out of nothing

solely out of God’s own goodness

not because of anything we have done.

But in the Garden Adam and Eve

rebelled against God’s seemingly oppressive dictum

“You shall not eat the forbidden fruit”

and were expelled from Paradise

which was necessary for deepening their spiritual growth

according to God’s plan.

Now we are all east of Eden

and struggle to live like Christ

which is God’s purifying action in us.

All negative experiences can be elements

of the ‘passive dark night’ of John of the Cross

if approached with faith/hope/love.

Things are broken

so we need compassion toward others

which starts with compassion toward our self –

being open to whatever you feel – positive or negative –

makes you open to whatever others feel.

Spirituality must be able to handle hard times

as well as easy ones

in order to be deep.

In fact, spirituality could impact every aspect of our lives –

when we approach our food with reverence and mindfulness

our daily bread becomes Holy Communion

the Last Supper and the First Supper

since this is the dawn

of a fresh spiritual approach to a basic necessity.

Spirituality could also include sexuality –

in musical legend Bruce Cockburn’s songs

sexuality has spiritual/sacramental meaning –

it is “spirits open to the thrust of grace”

a medium for God’s Divine Presence

even in, or particularly in, our sexual life

so God becomes our All in our all.

ONE COSMIC FAMILY

In Heidegger’s concept of “Being”

God is no concept

no transcendent Creator-God

but Activity in the World

Self-Giving Presence.

All mystics agree

no magical/mythical Being

totally transcends the world

but Infinite Consciousness

lives in the world

in community, in peoples’

joys and sorrows.

Augustine sees

the wicked try to flee

God

who is everywhere –

God the One

who never abandons the wicked

in their sin and sorrow.

Infinite Consciousness

is Being

“I Am” in Church

Beloved Community

born of Spirit, born of humans

Sacrament of Divine Liberation.

Although the anti-Paul

in Timothy I and II

wrote women into silence

in Church

St. Thecla, second century celibate-ascetic

Church-Leader

was more popular than the Virgin.

Black-and-White thinking

separating soul (good) from body (bad)

made men uncomfortable

with women’s bodies and sexuality

but feminist theologians see

Wisdom as Co-Creator

working in female (and male) bodies

creating right relationships.

Womanist theologians see

God and God’s desires

in daily intimacy, daily communion

with God’s Beloved People

the Everlasting Rock of the spiritual life.

Christians and Buddhists

mindlessly practicing rituals

find little joy

because human meaning

is evolution becoming aware of itself,

Infinite Consciousness

becoming mindful.

Like Hindu and Taoist mystics

scientists now open their eyes

and see the universe for the first time

as a unified web.

Like a spider’s web

shimmering in the sun after rain

God catches scientists

in the web of life.

No longer pure observers

scientists now see everything

not as objects or idols

but as icons

of Infinite Consciousness

Brother Sun, Sister Moon

and all things

dancing in

One Cosmic Family.

ONE COSMIC FAMILY

According to Heidegger’s

approach to Being

God is not a concept

not a transcendent

Creator-God

but an activity in the world

a Self-Giving Presence.

All mystics agree

there is no magical/mythical Being

who transcends the world

but there is Infinite Consciousness

in the world.

According to Augustine

the wicked try to flee from God

but God is everywhere

God never abandons the wicked.

In particular

God, Infinite Consciousness

is meant to Be

“I Am” in the Church

the Beloved Community

born of Spirit, born of people

a Sacrament of Divine Liberation.

Although the anti-Paul

author of Timothy I and II

wrote that women

were to be silent, silenced in church

St. Thecla, second century celibate-ascetic

and Church-Leader

was more popular than the Virgin.

Dualistic, black-and-white thinking

separating soul (good) from body (bad)

always made men uncomfortable

with women’s bodies and sexuality

but feminist theologians now

have reappropriated Wisdom

as Co-Creator at work in human bodies

to create right relationships

and they see God desires

daily intimacy, daily communion

with God’s Beloved People

and daily intimacy with Beloved God

and Beloved Community

is the foundation of spiritual life.

Christians and Buddhists

mindlessly practicing rituals

find little joy because

humans are meant to be

evolution becoming aware of itself,

Infinite Consciousness

becoming mindful.

Like Hindu, Buddhist and Taoist mystics

scientists now see the universe

as a unified web.

Like a spider’s web

shimmering in the sun after rain

God has caught scientists

in God’s web of life.

No longer pure observers

they now see everything

not as objects or idols

but as icons

of God’s Infinite Consciousness.

They now can see

Brother Sun and Sister Moon

and all things as

One Cosmic Family.

Cosmic Lovemaking

A COSMIC, SPIRITUAL VIEW OF MAKING LOVE

If God is love, the universe is grounded in love and exists by and for love. Love is the purpose of the universe.

It was out of wanting to share love that God created the universe in such a way that matter intrinsically evolves towards spirit, and Earth went from rocks and water to human beings. Things have gone from pre-personal to personal and are heading towards the super-personal where all are filled with God and love God in return.

Humans are at the center of this personalization process, not some accidental branch on the tree of evolution. And the process was furthered when Jesus said the greatest commandments are to “Love God with all your passion, prayer, intelligence and energy, and love others as well as you love yourself” (Luke 10:27 as translated by Eugene Peterson in The Message).

Ilia Delio, a Franciscan nun, wrote in a chapter titled “Love, Sex and the Cosmos” that sex is basically spiritual. The sacred life-force that drives the evolution of the universe moves us from within with unitive desire. We all want union as intimately as possible with another human being. Sexual intercourse was meant by God to be the apex of the personalization of the cosmos, an integral part of our personal fulfillment with a beloved soulmate we can share life and love with.

Going even further, sexual intercourse could be thought of as the primordial sacrament, since God’s first words to humans were “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28) and without sex there would be no human race, religion, church or sacraments.

Given the sacredness of sexuality, how did we end up with a widespread culture of sexual abuse and rape, as the “Me Too” movement testifies?

One explanation was given by Martin Buber, the great Jewish theologian, who wrote in his spiritual classic I and Thou that there are two basic ways of relating to everything: I-Thou and I-It. The I-Thou way sees everything as a sacred “Thou” full of the presence of God, including humans, animals and all of nature.

However, in a technological consumer culture we tend to relate to everything as an It, that is, as a soulless object to be used for our own self-centered purposes.

A young woman once said “I decided to get married because I am fed-up with the ‘hook-up’ culture where you are expected to have sex on the first date. I want true intimacy not fake ‘intimacy,’ a code word our culture uses for sexual intercourse. It is easy to bare your body and have sex; it is hard to bare your soul and make love.”

Not everyone can have sexual intercourse, but anyone can make love in the sense of opening up your soul and sharing who you really are with others. Single people, the elderly and even vowed celibates can make love in this sense. William Johnston, a Jesuit writer on Christian mysticism, described in his autobiography Mystical Journey how he and Amy Lim, a Japanese nun, had a decades-long intimate but non-sexual relationship when he taught spirituality and theology in Japan.

To learn more about making love in the spiritual sense, I would recommend Embracing the Beloved: Relationship as a Path of Awakening which describes a Buddhist way of intimacy as a “tandem inner journey towards spiritual realization.” Or read Pope John Paul II’s personalist “theology of the body” as popularized by Christopher West.

Bruce Tallman is a London spiritual director, marriage coach and religious educator of adults. brucetallman.com

Love, Sex and True Intimacy

If God is love, the universe is grounded in love and exists by and for love. Love is the purpose of the universe.

It was out of wanting to share love that God created the universe in such a way that matter intrinsically heads towards spirit. Through evolution creatures became more and more capable of love. Four billion years ago, Earth was rocks and water. Now there are human beings. Things have gone from pre-personal to personal and are heading towards the super-personal where all are filled with God and love God in return.

This fits with Jesus saying the greatest commandments are to “Love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, and to love others as you love yourself” (Luke 10:27). Or as Eugene Peterson has it in The Message: “Love God with all your passion, prayer, intelligence and energy, and love others as well as you love yourself.”

Ilia Delio, a Franciscan nun, wrote in The Unbearable Wholeness of Being: God, Evolution and the Power of Love in a chapter titled “Love, Sex and the Cosmos” that sex is basically spiritual. It is the sacred life-force that drives the universe moving us from within with unitive desire. We all want union as intimately as possible with another human being. Sexual intercourse is the zenith of the personalization process of the universe, meant by God to be part of the way we find personal fulfillment.

Making love, in a broader sense, is the primordial “sacrament” that is the primordial “visible sign of God’s invisible love.” Making love underlies the seven church sacraments: baptism, reconciliation, communion, confirmation, marriage, holy orders and healing the sick. By “making love” I am not referring here to “sexual intercourse,” although intercourse could also be considered the primordial sacrament as God’s first words to humans were “be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28). Without intercourse there would be no human race, religion, church or sacraments.

Given all this, how did we end up with a widespread culture of sexual abuse and rape, as the “Me Too” movement testifies?

One explanation is that, as Martin Buber, the great Jewish theologian, wrote in his spiritual classic I and Thou, there are two basic ways of relating to everything: I-Thou and I-It. The I-Thou way sees everything as full of the presence of God. Everything is a sacred Thou, including humans, animals and all of nature.

However, in a technological consumer culture we tend to relate to everything as an It, that is as a thing to be used for our own self-centered purposes. We tend to use nature and humans as if they were things divorced from us.

A young woman once said “I am getting married because I got fed-up with the ‘hook-up’ culture where you are expected to have impersonal sex on the first date. It is easy to bare your body and have sex; it is hard to bare your soul and make love. I want true intimacy not fake ‘intimacy,’ a code word our culture uses for sexual intercourse.”

Sexual intercourse is for the few, but anyone can make love in the sense I am using it here, that is, opening up your soul and sharing who you really are with others. Vowed celibates and single people can make love in this sense. William Johnston, a Jesuit and leading writer on Christian mysticism, describes in his autobiography Mystical Journey how he and Amy Lim, a Japanese nun, had a decades-long intimate but non-sexual relationship when he lived and taught spirituality and theology in Japan.

For more information on how to make love in the spiritual sense, I would recommend Embracing the Beloved: Relationship as a Path of Awakening which describes a Buddhist way of intimacy as a “tandem inner journey towards spiritual realization.” Or read Pope John Paul II’s “theology of the body” as popularized by Christopher West.

At this Valentines/Family Day time of year, may we all learn to make love, that is, love one another as well as we love our self, opening our soul to our partners, family and friends and thus continue the universal personalization process initiated by God.

Bruce Tallman is a London spiritual director, marriage coach and religious educator of adults. brucetallman.com